Chantelle is an astonishing girl. She is stunning. She is enchanting. She is entertaining. She is also my ex-wife. It is this final attribute, which makes me feel privileged to call her a friend and nothing more. There are very real reasons why we got divorced all those years ago and neither of us are strong enough to go through that again. It hurts to have real emotions trivialised and that is why I am clarifying this for anyone who is interested. I wish I could give big brother viewers the fairytale ending they wanted but, to me, this friendship is a post-modern, 21st century ‘happily ever after’.
I have been saying precisely this for the past month and if I was ever slightly diplomatic it was to spare the feelings of the girl who I still care very much for. Obviously tabloid magazines don’t always take human emotion into consideration when fabricating their fantastical stories and I don’t direct any anger at them, but it is nonetheless upsetting. So, before feelings are further trampled, I graciously hand this crooked crown to Josie and John James and feel truly lucky to have had so many insane/absurd/breathtaking/irreplaceable experiences and to walk away with a one-of-a-kind friend-for-life.